“You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.” – Zig Ziglar. 

There has not been a more accurate quote. It took me some time to realise this for myself. For many years I have allowed the opinions and views of others to mould who I think I am and what I deserve, but the older I get, the more I have come into my own and seen my value and my worth. 

When you allow people to write your story and start to believe their definition of you, it places you in a box or on a path you did not design. You go as far at times to allow them to stifle your ability and your talents. But the truth is you have the power to break out of that box. You have the pen and paper to write your own story and be exactly who you are. 

So in finding yourself, here are things that you should not allow people to do to hinder your growth:

1. Do not allow anyone to hold you to your past: We all have a past. It is pleasant; for some, it has mistakes; for others, it is just limited. Whatever it is, you are not only your past. You are your present and your future. Yesterday you maybe were not a writer, but it does not mean tomorrow you can’t be. Growing up, I received awards in maths. People usually say that if you are good at math, you can’t be good at English. I have always liked writing. I wrote little stories that I had my friends read, but I wasn’t a great English student. A good one, yes, great, no. However, I ended up in journalism, and even then, I wasn’t the best student but what I was, was a pretty good lifestyle reporter. One that came up with good ideas met her deadline, and for 5 years, I lived my dream job. What if I lived up to the expectations of others. The notion that you can’t be good at both. What if I gave up in university when there were some courses I hated because my personality wasn’t the one that went with being a teacher’s pet, so I wasn’t expected to thrive. You are not your failures or setbacks, so do not allow people to hold you down. 
2. Do not allow them to tell limit your gifts: When you tend to be good at something, people do not expect you to be good at something else. I have seen people put in a box by their dearest loved ones. It was not because those closest to them didn’t love them, but when people often see you being talented in a particular area, they want you to stick to that because it is safe. They do mean the best for you, and for fear of you failing, they actually tell you to stick to something even if you do not love it because you are good at it. Because we recognise that this is love, we tend to listen, thinking that they know best but live miserably simultaneously. But while I won’t tell you to give up your safety net, i will not encourage you to live in that box either. Do both and hone the skill of what you love until you are successful at it.
3. Ignore the negativity: Some people, when they see your potential even before you recognise it, they speak negativity over you. Sometimes it is subtle, like them second-guessing your every move. “Are you sure you want to do that?” “Can you really do that?” It seems like they are giving you a choice when, in fact, they are playing on your own insecurities.  “Normally people who project their needs or thoughts on others are very emotional. Their words are overflowing with emotions that make everything look much more serious than it really is.” (exploringyourmind.com; Article: Don’t Let Others Project Their Negativity on You). You have to be careful about who and what you let influence the decisions in your life. This is not only about your career choice or profession but what you deserve in intimate relationships.

So take a few moments and evaluate if you are where you want to be objectively. Are you surrounded by people who encourage you, or do you have subtle critics; the people who love you so much and stifle you or the ones that have you living in your past. Be honest with yourself and check if any of these persons live in you. Are you your worst enemy? Sometimes our greatest setback is the person looking back at us in the mirror. So do the checks, be honest and try to make a change. 

You need to know what you deserve and tell yourself what you do. Be your best self. The ones which mean you well will eventually follow. The ones who dont will fall away. You will be happier for it. XOXO.