I define My blackness!

“Defining myself, as opposed to being defined by others, is one of the most difficult challenges I face,”

—Carol Moseley-Braun, politician and lawyer

For a long time, I found this quote to be true. There are times that I still find myself falling into this cycle again. What I have noticed is that as a race, us as black people are the most critical of each other. We have to have a particular shade of black or your hair need to have a specific texture. There are many different elements that I could speak to, but I would like to talk about the physical, especially hair texture. 

My Ethnicity

I am born to two black parents that were born to two black parents. Tracing back I do have some relatives that are of European descent. I have never really traced back my history because it has never been something that intrigued me. All the family I know is black and looking at me, you could not deny that I am a black woman. But for some reason as blacks, some of us find superiority in saying which hair texture is “more black”. If you kink more than curl, then your experience is somehow different, which is not the case. 

Good hair?

In 2020 when we have so many black empowerment movements going on, it still marvels me that people are even asking inappropriate questions or making comments like “you must be mixed with something”. I get that we have a diverse and beautiful history. Many of us are fused with many cultures and backgrounds, and that is amazing. Some of us are not, and we have that melanin glow that radiates when we step into a room, and we also have uniquely beautiful features. The other day I was having a conversation with a friend. He asked, “What am I mixed with?”. I said, “nothing.”

Now if the conversation ended there, it would not bother me at all. However, they went on to say, “But your hair isn’t as black pepper grain as mine. It looks soft.” I don’t know why, but something inside of me started to feel really hot. (Please note: my hair is a 4a/b). 

I turned to them and said, “My hair isn’t much different from yours. No one’s hair is black pepper grainy, and as black people, we need to stop measuring blackness by the texture of our hair.” To me, it was ridiculous that in 2020 people still have this “bad hair” and “good hair” syndrome. When quite frankly, it comes down to grooming and care. The effort one puts in their processed hair is not half the same as one would put in their natural hair. Some black men do not see the purpose of hair products. Once you have hair, you need to moisturise. If you are bald, you still need to moisturise your scalp. Your natural ends need to be protected, trimmed and moisturised.

Ignorant teacher

Now I know he felt that I took the statement personally and I did. But it brought me back to high school when I had one teacher who just never thought it fit to give me the correct grade on a project because of my hair. 

In high school I received an assignment on to draw a comic. I placed a lot of effort into this assignment. Received a decent grade, but I remember seeing students getting higher grades than mine for drawing stickmen. I asked my art teacher why is it that I got that grade, she told me, “because their hair was straight.” It was unfair because it was not as if the other student drew puffs to show they were Afrocentric. They drew puffs because as the circle was the only way they knew how to draw hair. 

I went home that afternoon, upset and explained to my father. He taught me how to draw plaits and cornrows. So for my next assignment, I expected an even better grade. Barely any better. I again went to the teacher.

This time she told me that the plats were too long. I said to her, “but that’s the length of my hair.”

She looked on me and said, “you’re not really black.” Ridiculous!

I redid the assignment drawing the women over with puffs. I got the grade I deserved, but in hindsight, I shouldn’t have had to. 

And trust me don’t believe I have not experienced the complete opposite. I was accused of wearing braids (which was against the school rules) by a teacher who commented, “my hair could never possibly be that long.” *Please note these are two bad experiences, but I had an amazing high school experience. My literature teacher changed my life and made me love the subject. I made amazing friends. 

So now 16 – 20 years later. We need to make a change. I know not everyone means to offend. In fact, my friend thought it was a compliment, it wasn’t, but he thought it was. 

How I Define My Blackness/Myself?

I felt the need to write this for Black History Month so that we, as the black community, can take a step back and look at ourselves and ensure we speak our truth. Let us ensure that we are teaching our children the right message that we are all beautiful irrespective of hair length, shade and texture and that we are not defined by it. 

As a black woman, I would like to define my blackness as smart, intelligent, strong, artistic, sexy, goofy and damn gorgeous. I am a complete black woman, not defined just by the thickness of my thighs, the width of my hips, fullness of my lips or the texture of my hair, I am all those but so much more. XOXO!