Walking away from breakups are hard but what is harder is walking away from friendships that no longer serve us. I have come to realise that as women many do not only hold on to toxic relationships for fear of being alone but we also hold on to toxic friendships.
Abuse comes in many forms:
The Oxford Dictionary https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/abuse defines abuse as, “Use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose,” or “Treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly”. Synonyms include, “mistreat, maltreat, ill-treat, treat badly, ill-use, misuse.”
With that said let me explain some of the abuse we endure:
Neglect – many of us have goals and dreams and so often the people who give us the support are strangers. On far too many occasions I have seen women being supported by strangers more than their friends. I am not even talking about financial support. It could be as simple as a shout out on support on social media, or going to their event. Liking their post that they made about their business. Some will go as far as to repost something that a stranger does in the same field before they support their friend that are not only qualified but doing a good job. This is neglect in its simplest form. But we endure it. Even from people who are closest to us.
Verbal abuse
Toni cracking me up behind the camera
I have to break this one up in 3 types of friends:
Miss Negative – That is the friend that can never give the support. The one that always sees the half empty glass when you share your dreams. The one that tears you down every chance she gets. She does not look on both sides of the coin and tries to assist you. Half the time conversation with this person leaves you in self doubt and feeling demotivated. While they tear you down they do everything to make themselves grow.
The backhanded friend – This is the friend that gives you a compliment with a negative jab after. “At Least you are pretty, because you are not book savvy.” “It’s good that you are so strong alone because no man could handle you.” Yes, the compliment is never quite a compliment. Those friends who need to kick you to make themselves feel better.
The pity party – yup, the friends that make you feel afraid to shine because they can never really be happy for you. “Yes, you got a promotion congrats. I wish I worked in your field because I work so hard and can’t move up. Your job is easy.” Sometimes you are even nervous to celebrate even the small victories because you know there will be a way for them to twist it. It is never that you work hard it is that you have it easier.
Ladies, we are all working hard to be the best that we can be. Life is not easy and we need to support each other as well as we need grounded support. Sometimes we work so hard and then cannot understand what really is the reason why our business can’t grow, or our personal life feel stunted. Why do we leave a conversation with a “bestfriend” feeling so emotionally drained instead of empowered. It is because sometimes we have outgrown that friendship.
Yes, you might know her from the age of 12. But you grow and people change. While we would love to have that long-term friendship, not all of them last. And we have to make a healthy decision to move forward alone if the situation is breaking us. Sometimes the thing that stands between us and our victory is a relationship we are holding onto.
So take a self-check. If you are that abusive friend then we need to adjust and if we are the victim, then we need to breakup. It’s not only a bad spouse that can hurt us. A bad friend can too. Choose wisely and breakup if you must. XOXO!
Just a few of my girlfriends, I am blessed with more than a handful of women that know how to support each other.
One of my longest and dearest and after 18 years of friendship still a rock.
A great support system for 10 years.
Just under a year of friendship and you would think it was years of friendship.
Archer